I’m taking a slightly different approach to today’s blog, so I am sorry if some of you may find this completely unrelatable and quite frankly very boring but I want you to know me for me, if that makes any sense what so ever.
I can almost guarantee that it was/it is like this at every single English school. There appears to be a very obvious hierarchy in terms of popularity and loyalty, especially amongst school teenagers. You have the popular group who have everything going for them, then you have the obvious nerds (you know the ones who freely admit it) and then the ones who don’t, you have the chavs and then you have those inbetween. This hierarchy appeared to disappeared by year 10/11 but the competitiveness was always there. In year 9, an experience with someone who I considered to be very trustworthy caused me to become very self conscious and generally quite anxious about peoples opinions on me. Looking back now, although I still carry some of these characteristics, I think my opinion of peoples outlook on me has changed quite dramatically to make me socially a much happier person.
Where am I at now?
I’ve reached a stage now in my life where I am having to make about 100 different decisions in a very short space of time and if it so happens that I make the wrong choice, then the next couple of years are not going to be very enjoyable. My family definitely has its faults but they are always very supportive of me, however, without meaning to sound spoiled this almost makes decisions a whole lot harder because then I feel as though when things go wrong I have no one to blame but myself. I’m having to think about careers, university choices and moving situations all at the same time whilst carrying out my studies and sometimes when you’re trying to balance all of these things at once, the time and effort you have to give to each of them is very minimal.
You’ve got to be SELFISH
I read this quote on Pinterest the other day and do you ever just read something that’s just so relatable you want to go show everyone? Growing up in a very competitive environment among very clever school girls can either dramatically wreck or boost your confidence. Getting a fantastic grade can massively help you and encourage you to carry on working harder but getting an D when the rest of your class has got A’s and B’s can make you feel like such an outsider.
That’s why I believe that however tight you can be with your friends and the people surrounding you, others always want to be the best. But this also applies to us right? We aren’t different, we similarly also always want to be the best. Now, in no way is this a bad quality to have, it’s instinctive but it’s completely un-achievable if you can’t commit to helping yourself by being a little bit selfish.
“The time you enjoy wasting, is not wasted time”
As much as I hate to admit it, I am a big Zoella fan. If you aren’t aware of Zoe Sugg, she is a fashion, beauty and lifestyle blogger and vlogger, possibly the most well known UK blogger/vlogger. One of her most like quotes is
“Just say yes!”
and I honestly think obeying this can change your life. Unfortunately, I lost my Granddad last December, it’s shocking how an event like that can completely change you outlook on life. It made me realise that as cringy as it is, it is so so important that you enjoy life. Over Christmas, I went through a period of time in which I was feeling quite down and perhaps a little bit depressed, but I found that as time went on and the days became lighter I gained more and more positivity. And I know, I know, it’s the same old story with every blogger, anxiety, stress and inspirational speeches. Don’t get me wrong they frustrate me as well, especially when these people seem to have such perfect lives yet still deny it all.
Where does this leave us?
So despite all of this, I am in all honesty still very lost. I am one little girl in a huge crowd, essentially a pilot fish just trying to get by alright in life. One tip that I have found extremely helpful is to just put everything into context.
When you look at the bigger picture, one massive mistake can all of a sudden appear very tiny. Whatever has gone wrong, can always be sorted and to be honest I need to also take some of my own advice sometimes but what I’m trying to say is that we have to be so grateful for the opportunities we have even if that is just being able to be surrounded everyday by people whom we love and who love us and even if this isn’t expressed everyday.